January 2012
“Come back to me. It’s almost easy. Come back again. It’s almost...”
– Avenged sevefold
Our light. It’s yellow. Kinda hoped it would be green. But its yellow.
Today has been...
Awful and weird.
Last night, i felt so down it was unreal. I was so upset and angry at myself to the point where i was physically exhausted.
I passed out.
This morning, i could barely move.
It took 2 hours to drag myself out of bed and get a shower.
Then in the spur of the moment i decided to go get a tattoo i’d been considering for a while. So i called Danny and got him to come get me...
I’m losing myself.
Today i sat on my own for hours on end just writing everything in my head. Trying to find some obvious solution that i’d never noticed before, but after hours upon hours of writing, i still have nothing.
I’m so fucking angry at myself. I’m angry cause i should be stronger than this, angry cause i can’t pick myself up anymore, angry cause i...
This could make or break things... Scared? Yes i...
Driving through the night to nowhere.
Trying to forget
Hello panic attack. Where did you come from?
“Silence you’ve lost me no chance for one more day”
– Avenged sevenfold - Seize the Day
So what if I never hold you
Or kiss your lips again.
Writing always helps but this time it hasn’t. I feel so weak.
Well they don’t even know you
All they see is scars
They don’t see the angel
Living in your heart
Avenged Sevenfold.
You shall be my soundtrack of the day.
I shall now go uni. Do work. Then go Su and sit and think and smoke.
At least there i can be on my own but still surrounded by peoples.
Weakness is becoming second nature.
Strength is becoming a distant memory.
Feeling so lost
Lying here, knowing i need to get up, knowing i should go to the library and do work, knowing i need to go to the gym. But i just can’t face moving.
She’s started talking to me again today and i don’t know why. Cause i know we’re not gunna be as close as we used to be. I know that talking to her is really going to hurt me in the long run. But i need her. More than she...
How..
Is it possible that i’m still awake?
I’m still crying
Yet i’m still feeling completely numb.
I’ve thought some dark dark dark stuff tonight… and its terrified me.
I know i have to let go. And maybe breaking down is the way i’m doing it. Maybe by telling myself its over now, it won’t hurt as much when he makes the decision i know he’s going to...
Body stop crying please. I’m exhausted.
Guess that’s it then. Avenged sevenfold time when I get home I think 3
Maybe I’m a dreamer Maybe I’m misunderstood Maybe you’re not seeing the side of me you should Maybe I’m crazy (Maybe I’m crazy) Maybe I’m the only one (Maybe I’m the only one) Maybe I’m just out of touch Maybe I’ve just had enough
Maybe it’s time to change And leave it all behind I’ve never been one to walk alone I’ve always...
Just wanna drive and never touch the brakes til I’ve worked this out.
I really fucked it up this time, didnt I my dear
Out for drinks after a kidnapping Holding it together but only just :/ drinking coke incase I need to drive later to get my thoughts sorted out.
Its bad when you turn down drinks with you best mates cause you’d rather sit alone, in a dark room, with a load of strangers so you don’t have to say whats getting to you. So you don’t have to feel bad for all the ridiculous things you’re crying about cause you have no right to feel this shit but you just do.
I wanted to get out of the house so i wouldn’t think so...
Taking myself to the cinema later so i don’t just sit around at home thinking about shite. Might go for a drive after, petrol permitting… See how i feel.
Just wanna keep myself busy. Try clear my head of all this crap.
Cause its stupid, but i’m scared to sleep without someone here.
The nightmares are so much worse if i’m alone.
I’m feeling surprisingly calm...
bluenugget asked: You are a lovely Meglett! You're funny, smart and maybe just a bit insane. You are by far my favourite redhead and I'm so happy to know that I has the honour of being your friend :) I looove you x
I’m not this evil manipulative cow everyone thinks I am. I’ve never intentionally hurt anyone. I just dunno what to do anymore.
Just wanna sleep til this is easy. Wanna drive until its all over.
I wouldn’t mind it. If I didn’t know you were lying.
It’s never nice to fake a smile for so long you forget what’s real. Every now and then. When he acts like he wants me I smile for a second. Until I realise he still has no idea what he wants.
Falling in love is hard on the knees.
Still calm
Which is odd.
Cause i’m pretty sure it’ll be over by the end of the night. Can’t say for sure like. But that’s the way its feeling right now.
When the lad you’re in a relationship with seems reluctant to kiss you, you can almost be certain its coming to an end.
This isn’t what i wanted. I wanted to be with him for Jimmy Carr. I wanted to be with him for my...
Feeling surprisingly calm
About the whole situation.
Especially considering we’ve just made a pros and cons list together which clearly indicates that no matter what happens i am not the best option.
Based on said list, its either her or the single life… I think his choice is pretty simple. Cause he won’t keep breaking her heart.
I dunno why i’m not upset…
Calm before the storm?
Or have...
“Nobody Wins When Everyones Losing”
Anyone know...
How to turn off your brain?
I can’t stop thinking.
Cant stop asking the same questions over and over again.
Can’t stop worrying.
Can’t stop thinking I’ve messed everything up.
Can’t stop getting upset over ridiculous things.
Eurgh.
Been feeling sooo low today. But i’ve had one person pulling me through and he has been amazing, Brendan you have no idea how much your friendship means to me. You’ve stopped me doing some really daft things the past couple of days. I’m so grateful to be able to call such an amazing guy my friend, Thank you <3
Anyway, back to my little rant about feeling low.
I feel like i...
Sorry
Oh I had a lot to say was thinking on my time away I missed you and things weren’t the same
Cause everything inside it never comes out right And when I see you cry it makes me want to die I’m sorry I’m bad, I’m sorry you’re blue, I’m sorry about all things I said to you And I know I can’t take it back I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds, and...
Congratulations.
I’ve broken.
Things aren’t turning out to plan. I’ve lost my nicknames. Losing my mind slowly. Need a sign of what I should do.
So last night...
Was eventful to say the least.
Hit Sumo even though i didn’t really feel like socialising and it all just went downhill from there… She showed up and i felt like shit cause i was there with him. As soon as i saw her i walked away…
One of my best mates walked in a bit later on and i just broke down on him. He couldn’t understand why i was so hurt. Its not even that she was...
